I have a large cast of imaginary helpers and suchlike, familiarly known as ‘my headcast’. These are all aspects of me in some way. You might hear these names on the blog, or even get to meet some of them during a monster-whispering session, so I thought I’d profile them here.

Little Sister: My inner child, aged four. Since I started working with her she’s blossomed from a ball of rage and fear into a mostly sunny, exuberant and loving child who acts as my Fun Expert and fountain of surprising offbeat wisdom.

Big Sister: My slightly-future self and the mentor of this little family. She has the power of shining. Sometimes instead of answering a question, she’ll just stand there and shine with divine unconditional love. She also specialises in getting all maternal with the fuzzball monsters, and using the word ‘awesome’ a lot.

Mr. H: The monster whisperer’s monster whisperer. A gifted negotiator and very enthusiastic. He just kept showing up in my head and volunteering to talk to my monsters. He specialises in stepping in when things get really scary and defusing the situation with silly humour and geek culture references.

Update! My beloved Mr. H has now left us. He told me he wanted to go freelance. To go out into the world, travel into other people’s minds, and talk to other people’s monsters. So if you want a visit from him, just talk to him in your imagination, and see if he talks back…

Hope: My proxy for me. I purposely made Hope as cute as possible, so when I’m stuck because I’m hating on myself, I can just think of Hope in the same situation and my feelings change from grrrrr to oh poor darling I must help her! Hope is represented by a candybar doll in a variety of ludicrously cute outfits.

Over-Prepared Man is my secret superhero identity that came to me in a dream! He’s a way to dissolve my pattern of being underprepared without triggering my ludicrous fear popcorn about being prepared making me a boring grown-up.

Happy Noodle Girl is what Havi calls a ‘sad scared self’. She was the me who wanted to take away my sovereignty. Turned out what she really wanted was to give me sovereignty, she just decided that was impossible at the age of four when we realised we were going to be dragged kicking and screaming out of every single art lesson half way through and would never get to finish a painting. She believed the world was cruel and random and there was no point trying or valuing anything because it could just be taken away. She’s still scared of that happening, but learning to get over that fear with the help of a very, very big safe room and infinite art supplies.

Speed Whippet: A lovable talking dog who specialises in super speedy monster negotiations when there’s NO TIME. He’s currently trying out different methods of speed-solving monster problems, and hoping to get his own ‘spot’ working with busy clients in the future.

Former Monsters:

The Dragon: A very old and very special one. Formerly known as ‘You’re Disgusting and Deserve to be Obliterated’, but turned out to have a secret true name, ‘You’re Amazing and Deserve to be Safe Forever’. The Dragon guards my sovereignty. ‘My wings will be her cloak, my talons will be her sword, my fire will be her shield.’ I love my Dragon.

Fanart! By R. Taylor.

Gobstopper Penguin: My ‘Rest is Weak and Selfish’ monster (possibly also ‘Self-Care is Weak and Selfish’.) Under his gobstopper layers of hard he has a loving core of protecting me from thinking I suck. I think Gobstopper Penguin has fully come over to the Light Side now, and I do mean that quite literally. He admitted to having a crush on Luke Skywalker. :D Also, he’s shortened his monster-name from ‘Rest is Weak and Selfish’ to just ‘Rest’.

MORE fanart by R. Taylor!

Oz and the Tribblegonks: Oz and his enormous team of tiny Tribblegonks are in charge of self-talk. Behind the impressive facade of the Great Oz (or Gigagonk) is a little showman from Omaha who just wants to give the people what they want to hear. Has recently learned that the people would rather hear loving things than hateful things.

Big No and Big Yes: These conjoined-twin fuzzballs were originally just one monster, Big No, who’d been around for ages (pretty much all toddlers have a Big No!) and was stuck only being able to say No to things.

Now there are two of them, because they’ve realised that saying No to something is saying Yes to something else. So when I feel like refusing to do something, they’re practising saying a Big No to all the qualities that I really want to say No to, and a Big Yes to all the qualities that I really want to say Yes to, and exploring the possibility that I can have those qualities while also doing the thing.

No Excuse: Short for There Is No Excuse for Your Behaviour. After monster-whispering, this one revealed its true identity as my faith that I can do anything.

Bwaah: A former guilt monster. Large, furry, speaks entirely in growls and burbles. His role is to reassure me that I’m not a bad person by reminding me that God thinks I’m awesome. He does this by holding up a small, warmly glowing Buddy Christ.

Bad News Monster and F*** Up Monster: Should probably be renamed ‘Yay Hooray Go Eve’ and ‘You’re F***ing Awesome’ as that’s what they mostly say these days! Literal fuzzballs. Bad News tends towards unintentionally hilarious deadpan, while F*** Up is VERY EXPRESSIVE.