Bill’s Loneliness Monster

Bill (not his real name) suggested I post this little talk with his Loneliness Monster, who turned out to be more of a sad scared self. (Please note that I will NEVER blog your monsters unless YOU suggest it!)

Again, this one pretty much monstertalked himself… (I promise my job isn’t always this easy!)

Loneliness: lonelylonely lonely

me: oh, love

I know, it’s so hard

so much love to you

Loneliness: I don’t want love, I can’t trust it

me: okay, of course I’m not going to send you love if you feel uncomfortable with it

can you tell me why you can’t trust it?

Loneliness: because it goes away

me: oh :/ oh, I see

Loneliness: (note from Bill, this must be a big thing , I keep coming up with all sorts of other things to talk about and think about)

me: :(

so have you had love go away in the past?

Loneliness: I really don’t like it when people pay attention to me

I’d much rather distract you both

me: I get it

Loneliness: wow, Bill is deducing things

I think he’s actually right

what I’m calling love, isn’t love, it’s actually attention, being in focus

me: ohh, I see

Loneliness: more specifically, being held in positive focus

me: and why do you feel uncomfortable with that?

Loneliness: because it’s transient, and then I miss it when it’s gone

because I feel unloved

me: oh, that’s totally legitimate, I can see that that must be really painful

Loneliness: yes, it is but it’s pain that comes from cross wiring

me: what do you mean?

Loneliness: well, it’s not really that they don’t love me

it’s just that they’re not focusing on me in a positive way at that moment

me: no, it’s not :) they just happen to – exactly

Loneliness: of course, it may be that they never did love me

and I’m sure in some cases that that’s true

but not all of them, and probably not most of the ones that are important

me: absolutely :)

Loneliness: okay, you can love me now

me: hooray! lots of love coming over :)

I hope you got that ;)

Loneliness: wow, that feels quite different

me: does it? :)

Loneliness: yes, much softer, but it was much deeper

IS much deeper than what I experienced before when what I was paying attention to was attention

me: ohhh – that makes sense

so when you stop paying attention to the attention, you’re able to – love the love?

Loneliness: yes

me: wonderful :)

Loneliness: and this explains a lot for Bill

about why he’s always feeling like he wants someone to talk to

me: because he’s been mistaking attention for love

Loneliness: yes

not mistaking, at least not at a conscious level

but at my level deep inside, yes

me: I understand the difference

Loneliness: we are also noticing that even though this conversation feels easy, and I was able to understand what’s been happening without the use of a sledgehammer

it’s still very significant, and important

me: I agree, it really is

Loneliness: this pattern underlies so much

me: like what?

Loneliness: and we can feel the giant shift

me: wonderful

Loneliness: what mostly Bill being uncomfortable with being alone

me: *nods

Loneliness: and feeling like he needs attention from the people around him

me: which is a hard situation for an HSP who actually needs downtime

Loneliness: yes

although we’re still not quite sure how that fits in

me: well, socialising can lead to HSP overwhelm, and it sucks if it’s a choice between overwhelm and loneliness (may be projecting a bit here, I think I have one like you too, so this is helpful for me as well!)

Loneliness: no, I don’t think you are projecting


Loneliness: or, maybe you are, but you’re also right


me: :D good to know!!

Loneliness: thank you

me: you’re welcome!

Loneliness: I think I’m going to go play now

I believe we’ve done what we needed to with me

me: have a wonderful time, it’s been great talking to you :)

and I believe you’re right!

3 thoughts on “Bill’s Loneliness Monster

  1. cool stuff!

    key take-away:

    so when you stop paying attention to the attention, you’re able to – love the love? :)

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